Cold Feet

They say before weddings people get "cold feet" and skip out. That's how I'm feeling now about surgery. Will I skip out? No. I'm too stubborn. Too many people know for that to happen! Is my stomach constantly in knots about it? Absolutely!

Tonight after our friends left (Labor Day BBQ) and the kiddos were in bed, the hubs and I settled in on the couch for some TV. We watched some of our usual shows that we had recorded on the DVR. Then flicked through. On TLC we came across a program "Half Ton Mom." So I tuned in, curious. It was about a woman who was close to 900lbs, under went gastric bypass, and 2 weeks later suffered a major heart attack and died. Following was "Half Ton Dad" and "Half Ton Teen." We watched the Dad, and the Teen is currently recording. Now I am no where near the size of these people, and watching the shows made me cringe. I don't understand how they could get so big, but many people don't understand how I could get to the size I am now.

Just a little over 2 weeks until I undergo my transformation. One day I'll be in "skinny" jeans! Well, skinny to me anyways.

I have to keep telling myself that. There will be pain and heartache and depression and downfalls, but for each of those there will be so many successes and highs and victories.

I'm not going to be the fat mom, fat wife, fat daughter, or fat sister anymore. I'm going to go to a military ball proudly on my husband's arm. I'm going to walk into a room and be confident of myself not afraid everyone is judging me on my weight. I'm going to regain my self esteem and self confidence. I'm going to be the person I know is on the inside just waiting to get out.

Now to go get my feet warm. I think it's already started, my toes are beginning to regain some feeling. Not too much longer now!