Tomorrow is the big day!

Wow, it's hard to believe that tomorrow is my surgery date!

Something I've been looking forward to for so long. Almost seems unreal that is is actually upon us.

Sure I've gone through all the steps but to think it's really about to happen is mind blowing.

I've kept busy most of the day so haven't had time to dwell on it. Here it is 9pm and I haven't even had a chance to pack a single thing for the hospital. Not that I'll need much, but a few creature comforts will be nice.

Dan and I will be leaving here about 5am. Something tells me it's going to be nearly impossible to even seep tonight.

Part of me is saying not to do it. I should diet just one more time and this time I'll be really good on it. But the other part of me know this is best. Sure I might not be able to stuff myself with all the goodies at Thanksgiving, but I also won't be stuffing myself into clothes that are too small.

My Mom came to town today and will be helping watch the boys. Grandma left this morning and G was here when they woke up from naps.

Dan will be coming with me to the hospital. They will give him an update every 45 min-1 hr during surgery. He won't be able to see me until after I'm out of recovery. If you want news give his cell a call. Or if you don't have his number call mine and leave a message and as soon as I'm coherent enough I'll call or Dan can. I'm supposed to be up and walking within 2-3 hrs of getting in my room so I don't think I'll be totally out of it.

Thank you again to everyone for your support. I've received so many email and messages it has been great to know I have so many people who support me and this decision. I haven't had a chance to get back to everyone individually, things have been very busy lately, so please don't take offense to that if I didn't reply!

It's amazing that something I've wanted for so long is finally happening. I cannot wait!

HalfLytely=FAIL

Well, I got down 2 glasses of the crap.

Then came vomiting and gagging.

I tried a 3rd glass and every bit came back up.

Called the Dr. He said no worries just take some of the anti-nausea meds he had prescribed and don't worry about the rest. I asked again if it was ok because I'd only had about 1/4 of the solution. He said ok.

So I took the Phenergan and passed out for a few hours.

Now back to my regularly scheduled program of Jell-O.

Gross!

Well, it's the Sunday before surgery. AKA no more protein drinks until after surgery and the lovely bowel prep process began.

I had to take 2 pills. Then mix 1/2 gallon of stuff with water. Supposed to drink 1 8oz glass every 1o minutes. I'm done with 1 glass. This stuff is beyond nasty tasting! A few times I gagged. The directions recommend drinking it quickly instead of sips. Boy howdy I tried to gulp! I'm glad I was by the sink because one time I about threw up and had to spit it out. I started taking a little sip of Gatorade in between gulps of nasty stuff. Want to know what it tastes like? Go get some ocean water and add some nasty flavored whatever to it. Cherry, pineapple, and I don't remember the others. But that's the closest thing I can compare it to.

Here's to 9 more glasses. Just the thought of it is making me shudder!!!

It's time for the 2nd glass. *gag*

*GULP* 3 days

Day 3 of liquids is almost done.

I was just on a WLS forum and noticed a ticker in my siggy. It said "3 days until lap roux-en-y." Holy cow...3 more days!!! Practically 2 since it's 9pm now and surgery is so dang early in the morning.

The nights on liquids have been the hardest so far. Usually the time that the hubs and I veg on the couch, most of the times with a snack. There have been a few times where I have felt really hungry, so I'd have a drink or some Jell-O.

I mixed some sugar free cherry Jell-O with the unflavored Pure protein that I got. You can see the protein settled at the bottom, but I just mixed it up some with my spoon and you can't taste it one bit! It's going to be excellent for after surgery when I'll be struggling to get in my liquids and protein.

Tomorrow the bowel prep process begins. Not looking forward to it at all!!! Maybe I'll find a good book and lock myself in the bathroom haha.

Liquid diet--day 1 and 2 complete!

Yesterday was tough. I felt hungry a decent part of the day, even with having protein shakes.

Today was better. I was bust most of the day which helped. I had my pre-op appt with the hospital and my last pre-op appt with Dr Friedman. Dan was able to come along for the first time. Then by the time that was done with we were in a hurry to get L1 from school. Dropped off the boys and I went to get my prescriptions filled. Then came home and made dinner! I made vegetable beef soup. The broth was really yummy to me! Homemade is so much better than the canned stuff.

Tomorrow will be another fairly busy day so I hope the diet continues to go well.

I did find out from Dr. F today that red things are ok! He said the instructions are for those who are having a colonoscopy (it was on the bowel prep kit instructions). That made me so happy. Red Jell-O, popsicles, and Koolaid here I com!

1st day of liquids

Wow, the 1st day of clear liquids is here!

Jell-O in the frige with the little ones wanting to eat it.

I'm not usually a big breakfast eater, so the morning was easy. Now it's a little after 11 and I just found myself walking to the pantry looking for something to eat. D'oh! Can't do that!

It's a stormy day which isn't helping. Means we're cooped up inside. Can't go play in the backyard or take a walk or bike ride to get my mind off of it.

At least I can stay busy inside cleaning today! Or curl up with a good book (thinking of re-reading Twilight series, and I never re-read anything *gasp*).

Dan just made the boys lunch. Even though it was hot dogs, something I wouldn't usually eat for lunch, just knowing that I can't have it makes them smell so good!

5 more days until surgery! Seems like just yesterday it was 10, then single digits.

Goodbye my friends.

Not too long ago I had my last meal as a "normal" person.

Green beans (cooked just like my Mama does!), mashed potatoes, gravy, and country fried steak. It all turned out quite well. At least in my opinion :) L1 even wanted 2nd on the steak, which is rare for him to want 2nd on anything.

It was pretty pathetic. While eating I kept dwelling on the thought of it was my last meal. I'd try to snap myself out of it and say no, it's not at all. Just the last meal I can eat anything at. I even had some Jason Mraz lyrics pop into my head "Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me." So many times in my life I've turned to food to be my friend. In the good times and the not so good times.

Until Tues, my diet will be clear liquids. My instruction sheet says:

• apple, grape, cranberry juices
• clear broths-chicken, vegetable, or beef
• decaf coffee or tea (no creamer, use artificial sweetener if desired)
• water or flavored water such as Crystal Lite, sugar-free Koolaid, etc
• Gatorade, Powerade, G2, Propel, or other similar products
• Sugar-free Jell-o, sugar-free popsicles
• Protein shakes for each meal, 2-3 times/day (stopping on Sun when bowel prep begins)
• nothing red or purple colored

So that's it...it's going to be tough but worth it!

1 more week!

Wow, it's hard to believe that this time next week I'll be in surgery! It is exciting and nerve wrecking at the same time.

L1 is beginning to understand more because we keep talking to him about it. He keeps asking when I'm going to go to the hospital. So I give it to him in terms of how many more days he'll go to school before I go (3) then how many days he'll have school while I'm there (2).

Today and tomorrow will be my last days of food for a while. It's weird to think of. Something I've been prepping for for a while, but at the same time just doesn't seem a reality yet.

T-minus 1 week....here we go!

Tonight's class

Tonight I had a pre-op and nutrition class. I found the pre-op one pretty informative, but the nut was mostly review or things I had learned on my own. Dan was unable to come so I made sure to take good notes. They also gave us print outs of the PowerPoint presentation.

On my way there I stopped by Max Muscle. I am glad I did! I got 1 canister of protein powder (100% Whey vanilla ice cream flavor) and 2 OhYeah! RTDs (cookies & creme and vanilla). The guy there was the owner and super nice and helpful. He used to play football at Ole' Miss and seemed to know his stuff about the products. We had a convo about the protein bullets and he even said that putting 42g of protein in it is useless because your body can't absorb that much it's more of a marketing thing because some body builders think it's great. I really liked that he was totally honest about that kind of thing and not tried to build it up just to sell product.

On to the class stuff, here are some notes of importance

*After surgery I will have a JP drain in. This may be out when I leave the hospital, it might come home with me.
*Afterwards I will never be able to have asprin. They gave us a card tonight to keep in our wallets. Also highly recommended a medic alert bracelet and Lauren's Hope. The support group I attend weekly online actually gives away 1 $80 gift cert to there every week, so I'm hoping to win one! Or I might order some beads and have my friend Kim make me one.
*I will need to be at the hospital about 2 hours prior to surgery. Which means we'll need to head out of here at 5am, yikes!
*The operation should take anywhere from 1-3hrs. Every 45min-1hr someone will come out of the OR and give Dan an update on how I am and the progress.
*No one will be allowed in the recovery room. I should be in there anywhere from 1-3hrs.
*After getting settled in my room people will be allowed up within an hour.
*Something I found really neat was instead of a call button going to a general nurses station, each nurse carries their own phone. The number will be listed on the board in my room so I can call her/him directly instead of a nurses station.
*All of the rooms are private. I did not see one, but have heard they are pretty nice.
*Morning after surgery I will have an Upper GI test. This will test for "leaks" in my new pouch.
*I will start with narcotic IV pain meds and a PCA pump.
*I'll get either liquid Lortab or liquid Dilaudid for pain at home.
*Typical stay is 2-3 nights. So I'll probably be set free on Thurs or Fri.
*While I'm on pain meds I can't drive. For some people that's a few days, some it is a few weeks.
*I mentioned that I recovered very quickly from my c-sections, esp the 2nd one, and the nurse said this should be pretty easy then. Yay!
*Usually the day of surgery I'll be allowed ice chips. A 40cc cup should last me 4 hours though...yikes!

I have a lot more of notes, but a lot of it is just little reminders for myself (like to ask Dr Friedman the size of my pouch and length of bypass after surgery because it varies by patient).

At the group tonight were 3 other patients. 1 is having surgery tomorrow, 1 on Monday, and the other will be after me on Tues.

It's beginning to seem a little more real, but still hard to believe it's actually going to happen. Too bad I can't skip time forward about a year!

Single digits!

Wow, hard to believe that my surgery is just 9 days away!!!

I'm trying to prepare mentally for it. We decided to go out to Sonny's BBQ last night. Dan mentioned it might be the last time I get to have their sauce because of sugar, etc in it. We have a few jars here at home, so I checked out the stats. My favorite one, just the regular mild, looks like I'll be able to have it! In a 2Tbsp serving it has 1g fat, 6g carbs, and 4g sugar. Being 2 Tbsp is about what I'll be able to eat in the beginning total, this should be fine for dipping some meat into. I believe the rule of thumb is to keep sugar under 10g/meal--I need to double check that though.

Sonny's was great and the boys were pretty well behaved. I'll admit, for the first time in many many years, I ordered all you can eat. Yikes. However, I couldn't even finish my initial servings! I've been trying to cut back in preparation for how little I soon will be eating. I had 1 slice of garlic toast, 1 piece of cornbread, about 1/2 the pulled pork, and 3/4 of the mac n' cheese. I tried one more bite of meat/toast and just couldn't do it.

On the way to Sonny's we noticed Max Muscle in the shopping center next door. I had been thinking it was downtown for some reason, so glad we saw it! We were going to check it out after dinner, they closed at 7 and we got out about 7:15. But at least now I know where it is and it's not as far away as I was thinking. There is another store my nut had told me about that is downtown so I must have gotten them confused.

This coming week is going to be a pretty busy one. Dan goes to work on Mon, Tues, and Friday. I have Dr appts on Mon and Fri. L1 has school on Mon, Wed, and Fri. Liquid diet starts Thurs. Fri Dan's mom gets to town for the weekend.

I've started talking some with L1 about how Mommy is going to have surgery and what is going to happen. I explained to him that the Dr is going to fix my stomach and I will be in the hospital for a few days, but that someone would be here with him and L2. It might be Daddy, it might be G, or it might be some friends in the neighborhood. He's of course hoping it's G and has already planned that they are going to go to the store and buy some pink flowers to plant a garden. He was a bit concerned that Grumpa wouldn't be coming because "Grumpa can't cook all by himself!" LOL. But he also know that Grumpa's knee is still hurting and G might have to stay there to help him. We've talked about how when Mommy comes home I might not feel well and he and L2 won't be able to get on my tummy because it'll be hurting. I'm sure he'll laugh at how little I eat. I'm fully anticipating L2 trying to drink my protein shakes and feed me his food, he gets a kick out of feeding other people. It's going to be hard on L2 not being able to climb all over me like he usually does. We'll just have to see how it goes.

9 more days...4 more until liquid diet. It's almost here!!!


-------
Oh, and I have a correction to the last entry. Dan did not report to his new squadron on Friday, but to the Wing. Monday he'll report to the squadron. Also, I learned this after he got home, but the person who told him no leave was just a civilian in charge of deciding who goes to what squadron and when. So him taking leave is still a possibility.

No leave for the hubs

Dan reported to his new squadron today (VT-3 if anyone cares). He was told they cannot grant him leave for my surgery. However, his report date to start is October 9th. That would give me 2.5 wks of recouping before giving him back. Which should be plenty. However (there is ALWAYS one of those with the military, ugh)...that date of Oct 9th could change. He'll go in Mon and Tues next week. After that he'll be required to call in from 7a-8a M-R and be there in person on Fridays. So he should be able to take care of me and help with the boys for most of the time.

Q & A session

Told you it would be coming :) Please leave comments if you have any more and I'll get those addressed too!

Why did you decide to do this? Isn't it a bit of a drastic step?

Yes, it is drastic. Is it the first thing I'm jumping to in order to lose weight? Heck no! In order to have WLS you are required to show documentation of failed previous diets/weight loss attempts. My Dr didn't require me getting anything signed, just a list of when I tried, what it was, how much I lost, and how long it stayed off. Many insurance companies require a 6 month medically supervised diet before approving patients. Thankfully Tricare does not have that requirement!

What is dumping syndrome I've heard people talk about?

In short: something I never, EVER, want to experience! It happens when you eat too fast, too much, or something that you shouldn't (like sugar). Symptoms of late dumping include weakness, sweating, and dizziness. Many people have both types. From what I have been told, it is a very unpleasant experience. Most people will not want to eat whatever it was that made them sick for a long time, if ever. Episode lengths can vary, but usual is 30-60 minutes.

How much are you wanting to lose/what is your goal weight?

I'm not setting out with a goal weight in mind, or a number to shed. I will know I'm at goal when I get there. How? By how I feel and look to myself. I don't ever expect to be an itty bitty. It's just not going to happen! I do expect to be healthier, in normal sizes, and feel good about myself.

Aren't you scared?

Hell yes! LOL. Yes, I am scared/nervous/excited/everything else. But this is something I've wanted for a long time and been working for. I have the utmost confidence in my surgeon and his team. I know my husband will be very supportive during my hospital stay and once I get home and will help me over the hurdles.

How long will you be out of commission for? How long will you be in the hospital for?

It really varies by patient how long they are down for. My only prior operations have resulted in 2 puking, screaming, peeing, pooping, chow hounds. Err...let me rephrase, my 2 wonderful, sweet, caring little boys. I've never been under general before, so this will be new. I bounced back very quickly from both C-sections. With L2 the nurses were practically forcing me to take pain meds while still in the hospital. I anticipate my recovery from this will be fairly quickly too. Compared to many people who have this operation, I'm young with very few health issues, so that is a plus. I will not be able to drive for 2 weeks. We are hoping Dan will be able to have at least that much leave, we should find out next week for sure though. I will most likely be in the hospital for 4 days/3 nights. Surgery is on Tues so I should be back home on Friday.

Is it reversible or are you going to be like this for life?

It can be. However, unless there is some severe complication there isn't a need. I plan on having a little pouch for a stomach for ever!

Why RNY instead of the Lap or Realize-band?

Banding is becoming more and more popular, but I'm going the other way (which is still very popular!!!). With a band, you can cheat. Want a milkshake? No problem! Chug-a-lug it down and absorb all those bad things. I mainly decided on RNY because the inability to cheat. Well, you can cheat...but it's tough. You can begin to tolerate the bad stuff again, but most people will dump at first. You can get fat again, but you have to work at it. RNY has a much higher success rate for long term success. Basically I decided that if I'm going to do this, I'm going to get it right. (I'm not saying that bandits don't, it's just not for me!)

Isn't there a high death rate?

Mortality rate from recent data of Laparoscopic Gastric Bypass is 0.08% (Band is about 0.05%).

That's about all for now, plus L2 just woke up which means I better go if my computer wants to live to see tomorrow!

"OLDER POSTS"

Please take note that there are more postings than you see on the 1st page! Scroll down to the bottom and there will be a link for "older posts." As of right now there is just 1 more page of posts, but that 1 page has some really important ones! So check it out. You can also subscribe to know where there are updates! (and for those of you subbed, sorry but I'm probably going to be doing a few today but it won't be like this always, promise!

My 1st BE order arrived!

I posted a few days ago that I placed my 1st order from BariatricEating, well it arrived today!

The boys were napping (thank goodness, it was a battle to get them down). Anyways, their slumber allowed me to dig into my goodies.

Since I ordered the sample pack, I wasn't sure what flavors would be included. I am very happy with what I received!

Here's some pics of the loot...


That is 1 package of unflavored protein (can add to all sorts of things), 3 month supply of Celebrate Chewable vitamins, and the sample pack.

My sample pack included:

• 2 OhYeah! RTDs (Ready to drink)...strawberries & creme and bananas & creme. I actually just came across a recipe yesterday using the banana one for a shake that sounds WONDERFUL..

  I use 1/2 of the small bottle of bananas & creme, add ice, a 1/4 scoop of the Believe Chocolate peanut butter fudge and a teaspoon of PB2. It tastes like a combination of banana and Reeses peanut butter cup.

• 1 isopure RTDs...fruit punch and grape frost
• Believe Italian Cappuccino RTD. So I'm not a coffee person, AT ALL, but figure I might as well give it a shot! This brand only makes 2 flavors, 2 coffee-like and 1 is a tea...so none are my cup of tea so to speak. However, many people say tastes change after surgery. Maybe my taste buds will decide to grow up and like things like coffee!
• 4 lean dessert protein samples...chocolate coconut candy bar, whipped vanilla cream, banana cream pudding, and fresh cinnamon roll. I think I just drooled a little!
• 2 Matrix protein powder samples (these were bonuses!)...cookies & cream, strawberry cream
• 4 Nectar fruit juice flavored protein powders...strawberry kiwi, vanilla bean torte, lemon tea, roadside lemonade, and fuzzy navel.
• Blender ball cup...it's a cup for shakin' up the protein powder drinks! It came with a little metal ball that helps break up the powder for easier mixing. I told the hubs it would have been awesome for baby formula mixing!
  
• Several sample packs of the Celebrate chewable vitamins. Although I ordered a 3 month supply, I'm excited about these! Some of the vitamins come in a few flavors, this way I can try them all out.

There are a lot of other things on the BE site that I want to give a try, and I haven't even tried anything I've gotten yet! I think I'll have to try the peanut butter cookie protein because it alone sound fab, but with the above recipe...yummy! Also the Whey Gourmet strawberry banana protein poweder because I love strawberry banana flavored things! At least I know whenever I buy yogurt in that flavor Dan won't eat it. I'm also interested in the OhYeah! RTD Cookies & Cream. I'm hoping that Max Muscle will have some of these I can sample on Monday when I go in! Eventually I'll look into the protein foods and no sugar foods, but it'll be a while before my pouch will be able to handle those.

Dan's been asking me what I want for my "last meal." I have to keep reminding him that I WILL be able to eat again! Won't be for a while, won't be anything/anytime/however much I want, but I WILL be able to eat!

Thanks everyone!

Just wanted to put up a quick "thanks" to everyone! The support has been wonderful since I put the word out about our decision. (Our=myself, Dan, and the Docs)

I am very, very excited about this and so glad to hear others are too! There have been some questions which I have answered those people directly, but maybe later tonight I'll have a chance to write about some on here for everyone's benefit.

The next week or so will be a busy one!

Monday the 14th I have a 2 hour nutrition seminar. This is in addition to the one seminar I've been to and the appointment with the nutritionist I had. I think after (or before, depending on when Dan gets home) I'm going to stop at Max Muscle and do some protein drink sampling. (and in other exciting news, my BE sample pack is going to be delivered today!)

Thursday the 17th my liquid diet will start. Yikes! Today is my last Thursday I'll ever be able to eat anything I want and in any quantity!

Friday the 18th I have 2 appointments. One with the hospital doing pre-op paperwork and meeting the anesthesiologist then on to Dr. Friedman (who apparently can be confirmed as a pretty awesome Dr thanks to my brother checking him out, ha!). With him I'll do the last minute questions/directions.

Sunday the 20th is not a day I'm looking forward to. I'll start the bowel prep process. Yuck!

Stepping out of the shadows

From the time I began looking into WLS, I was discrete about it.

Why?

Many reasons.

Ashamed I've gotten to this point. Afraid of reactions (negative ones). Worried it wouldn't really happen. The list goes on.

But as the time comes closer and I talk to more and more people who have had it done, I want to stand on top of a mountain with a megaphone and let everyone know. Ok, maybe not a mountain...no one would hear! But you get the idea :)

I am VERY excited about this opportunity to gain such an awesome tool to better my life. The most important people in my life are 100% supportive of my decision.

Contrary to popular belief, this is NOT an easy way out. If you think that I really hope you do some research on your own. There are many misconceptions about WLS. Just like many other medical procedures or medications, please do not make assumptions. Research, research, research, and then decide your opinion.

If you have questions, I'll be glad to answer them to the best of my ability. Or find out an answer. I have done countless hours of research on it, the positives and negatives. I've talked to many people who have has WLS. I've found message boards with weekly online support meetings in addition to the monthly one my surgeon's office has. I am ready for this and very well prepared.

I appreciate everyone's concern but ask that if you have any negative reactions or comments to please keep them to yourself.

Thanks!

Splurge!

I guess I've been on a kick of doing things for ME lately. It's been a while since I've taken time to really focus on Morgan. I'll admit, it's a bit odd!

Which brings us to...

my purchases of the day :)

Having RNY isn't a fix-all. It still takes a tremendous amount of work to get to goal weight, and eventually maintain. Sip, sip, sip, walk, walk, walk, sip, sip, sip, walk, walk, walk....that is how my days are going to be filled. Sipping because for a while I will only be able to drink 1oz of liquid every 5 minutes. Think the boys will mind if I borrow their sippy cups? ha!

So in order to get me up and walking and exercising, I got a few things to help.

I've wanted a bike for a while. Kept saying I'd wait for a sale (bikes NEVER go on sale, seriously I've scoured the weekly store ads constantly). Or I'd wait until we're settled after a move. Or I'd rather spend the money on something for the boys. Well today while L1 was in school, L2 and I set out on a mission. Funny thing is on the way to school L1 saw a friend's bike (they left it here on Sunday because it was raining so drove home instead of biked) and declared that I needed to get a bike since he and Daddy both have them. It was actually already on the agenda to go looking today. Guess he is inside his Mama's head some days!

L2 was a big helper, except he wanted to ride all the bikes himself! We ended up with this one...
and also a seat to attach to it for L2....
(I don't think it's this exact one, but pretty close)

We also ended up with (well, it's in the mail...Friday is the magical delivery day)
A BOB Revolution Stroller Strides stroller. A great stroller for jogging, walking, or going off on trails. It comes with tension tubing for an even better workout!

L2 is very excited about his new rides. L1 can ride his bike or run with us and is pretty excited that Mommy listened to him and bought a bike.

Clothing order tonight too!

I just placed an order through Old Navy for new clothes. And they are all too small for me! But in about a month I'm counting on them fitting :)

Right now ON is doing their "stuff and save" sale. The concept started years ago, they'd mail out a plastic bag and everything you could fit in it in the store you'd get a % off. Not sure what it was then, but now it's 20%...and off everything! Plus a lot of things were marked to $5 or $10! On top of that I had $30 in rewards from my card (actually $40, but couldn't enter that many codes). I did eBates for another 8% off. Also free shipping.

I just bought a pair of yoga pants, 2 polos, and 3 tees (2 soids, 1 striped) for a grand total of $10.97!

Here is what I got...







I'm hesitant to buy jeans/shorts because I really don't know what my sizing will be like. Tops I feel better about because you can wear a few bottom sizes with the same top size.

I only plan to buy a few things for each size. Like 5-10 tops and 3-6 bottoms. Unless there is a special occasion. No since in replacing an entire wardrobe for a size when I'll be blowing through them! I do not have a lot of my clothes that I wore before when I was smaller. Being a military family the weight of our stuff when we move (which is a lot!) counts and if we go over we get charged. So my clothes that I out grew on the way to where I am now have mostly been donated. I have a few things I'd like to be able to fit back into though! There is 1 dress and 1 pair of jeans I have from high school that I still love. One day I'll be back down there! I think they are size 12 or 14.

I'll probably give my husband a mini heart attack knowing I'm already buying new clothes. Don't worry dear, I won't over do it (promise!)...just couldn't pass up these deals!

First protein/vitamin order

I just submitted my first order for protein and vitamins!

Here is what I got (all from BariatricEating)

• Celebrate chewable vitamins multi in mandarin orange, calcium in strawberry creme, iron in grape. These should last me 3 months. The multi has enough B12 in it that about 95% of users do not need an additional B12 supplement. That along with the flavors are the reason I chose the Celebrate brand. The Bariatric Advantage brand also comes highly recommended by many, but it would be at least 1 more pill/day and they are also more expensive.
  
• Protein Sample Starter Kit, minus the book. I already have the book and am hoping that the kit will still contain the blender ball protein shaker. I'm going with this sample kit to, well, get a sample of a variety of things! Everyone says tastes change so much after surgery, so I don't want to buy much prior to surgery. For 3 days on my liquid diet prior to surgery I'll be drinking protein shakes (just not once I start bowl prep, ew.) so will get to sample them then.
• PURE unflavored protein isolate was also added to my order. I think this will be great for when I'm a new post-op and on a lot of liquids or soups. I'm going to try my best from the start to get in all my protein! I know it is essential to helping the healing process.

I wish OhYeah! mixed pack would have been available, but it isn't and apparently isn't coming back into stock either. Bummer! I had it in my cart for a while and was going back and forth on what all to order when after a few days it jumped ship. I really wanted it to be able to try all the different flavors before ordering a case and maybe not liking something and being stuck with it. Ugh. Apparently a local place, Max Muscle, allows customers to sample before buying and they give WLS customers a discount! I think some time this week or next I'm going to have to check them out. I'm hoping they have the OhYeah! ready to drink drinks in stock. I'm really interested in the Cookies & Cream one! If not, I know they have the Nectar brand so I can try those out.

Anyways, I can't wait to get my box of goodies! Not much longer now, 15 days!

Cold Feet

They say before weddings people get "cold feet" and skip out. That's how I'm feeling now about surgery. Will I skip out? No. I'm too stubborn. Too many people know for that to happen! Is my stomach constantly in knots about it? Absolutely!

Tonight after our friends left (Labor Day BBQ) and the kiddos were in bed, the hubs and I settled in on the couch for some TV. We watched some of our usual shows that we had recorded on the DVR. Then flicked through. On TLC we came across a program "Half Ton Mom." So I tuned in, curious. It was about a woman who was close to 900lbs, under went gastric bypass, and 2 weeks later suffered a major heart attack and died. Following was "Half Ton Dad" and "Half Ton Teen." We watched the Dad, and the Teen is currently recording. Now I am no where near the size of these people, and watching the shows made me cringe. I don't understand how they could get so big, but many people don't understand how I could get to the size I am now.

Just a little over 2 weeks until I undergo my transformation. One day I'll be in "skinny" jeans! Well, skinny to me anyways.

I have to keep telling myself that. There will be pain and heartache and depression and downfalls, but for each of those there will be so many successes and highs and victories.

I'm not going to be the fat mom, fat wife, fat daughter, or fat sister anymore. I'm going to go to a military ball proudly on my husband's arm. I'm going to walk into a room and be confident of myself not afraid everyone is judging me on my weight. I'm going to regain my self esteem and self confidence. I'm going to be the person I know is on the inside just waiting to get out.

Now to go get my feet warm. I think it's already started, my toes are beginning to regain some feeling. Not too much longer now!

Roux-en-Y education

Many people I talk to don't know about RNY or gastric bypass surgery. Most assume it is stomach stapling, when in reality it's a different procedure from what that was.

Here's a pic of what it'll look like when the Doc is done....description to follow.

As you can (probably) tell, my whole stomach will stay in there. Darn, I bet that sucker weighs a few pounds and would give me a jump start, ha! Basically Dr F will make me a new pouch for a stomach. It'll be about the size of an egg. Yes, an egg. Not a jumbo sized one either. I remember when my boys were born being told their stomachs were about the size of a golf ball. So my new stomach will be about the same size as a newborns, that amazes me (and I'll be honest, slightly worries me too!).

The doc will decide where to cut my small intestine at, there isn't any textbook rule as to where it'll be cut or reconnected. It varies on the person and what things looks like once the surgeon gets in there. Anyways, the new end of my small intestine will be brought up to my new pouch where they will be connected. Then the small intestine will be stitched together. This will allow for my old stomach to still produce all the "juices" to help with food (what little there will be) digestion. The new pouch will not have the pyloric sphincter, that'll stay with my old stomach. So there really isn't a way for the food to be gradually put into the small intestine. Which is one reason I will not be allowed to drink with meals, or about 30 min before and 60 min after. Yikes, that's going to be an adjustment for me! The reasoning is it speeds up the digestive process. Instead of having solid food in my pouch, liquids would make it mushy and run right out into my small intestine. Therefore I won't have the full feeling as long and keep eating more. Basically defeating the procedure because I would still be getting more food and absorbing everything from the food. Also, when I can drink (which should be constantly except meals) it's little sips, little sips, little sips. It should take 5 minutes to finish 1 oz of drink! Yikes again!

Post-op eating life is going to be very different. There are several stages I'll go through.

• Phase 1: Clear liquids. Total meal size about 1-2oz. This is usually just for the 1st day AFTER surgery (day of surgery I won't be allowed anything! maybe some ice chips). After I pass a UGI (test where they are looking for leaks in my pouch), I'll be able to "eat." So for that day I'll be able to indulge in things like jell-o, koolaid, popsicles, chicken broth (everything sugar free, of course!)

• Phase 2: Full liquid diet. Total meal size about 1-2oz. Post-op day 2. I'll be able to have some thinned out grits (mmm, grits! and I seriously do love them...no sarcasm!), yogurt, pudding, cream of whatever soups, etc. I'll also begin drinking some protein shakes. I'm ordering some from www.bariatriceating.com. It's a great site with lots of goodies for after WLS! I'll also be ordering my vitamins from there.

• Phase 3: Puree. Total meal size 1-2oz. Post-op day 3, and should be discharge from the hospital day too. Woot! My food processor and Magic Bullet is going to come in handy here. I'll be able to eat things like pureed egg, pureed chicken, pureed peaches, cottage cheese, pureed banana, chicken broth, and of course lots of protein drinks! This phase is going to last about 5 weeks!

• Phase 4: Soft. Total meal size 1-2oz. Foods such as scrambled eggs, oatmeal, deli sliced turkey meat and cheese, chicken, creamy peanut butter (in moderation of course!), and things along those lines. This phase doesn't have any clear cut rules of how long to stay in, I'm supposed to advance as tolerated.

• Phase 5:Regular. Total meal size 1-2 oz. Similar foods to phase 4. Eggs, oatmeal, chili, chicken, cheese, apple slices, chicken salad

• Eventually....a "regular" diet with a size of 3-4oz. Eggs, cheese, toast, sliced deli meat, cottage cheese, macaroni salad, veggies, fruit, etc. But this is where you have to be careful to watch the sugar and carbs.

All phases I will need to drink a lot of fluids (a min. of 60 oz/day) and take in a lot of protein (a min of 60 grams/day). Foods will have to be eaten slowly. As in about 20 minutes for a meal. Remember, this meal is only a few ounces in size!

I'll also be on a strict regime of vitamins. Being I won't be eating as much, it will be impossible to get the nutrients my body will need from food. So I need to do everything possible to prevent nutrient deficiencies. I've chosen to take Celebrate chewables. The multi-vitamins have enough B-12 that the majority of users do not need an additional B-12 supplement. This is one reason I decided on this brand. Also, the flavors they come in are more appealing to me than the other options. So assuming the Celebrate ones work out for me, I'll be taking the multi-vitamin, calcium, and iron pills. My surgeon also will put me on some other medications for a short time. Like one to help prevent gallstones for the first 6 months. Also Biotin to help with my nails and skin, and hopefully hair too. About 4-6 months post-op I will begin to shed. It's an inevitable thing but the Biotin is said to help with this some. I'll do what it takes!

There really is A LOT that goes into this surgery. It is a major procedure! I'll have 6 laparoscopic incisions (about 10-12mm each). One will have a drain from it for a few days, or longer...it'll be up to Dr. Friedman depending on how I'm doing.

I'm ready for my day to be here! I've very excited I have this opportunity and will be gaining such a wonderful tool to aid me in my weight loss journey. Although it is scary to think of it all, I browse online and at my Dr's office through before and after pics. Seeing them amaze me! I cannot wait to begin to drop the pounds and get into normal sizes again!

Ugh. Pre-surgery binging.

I was warned most people do it.

I said I'd try not to.

I'm told not to, because eventually I will be able to eat just about anything...in very limited amounts.

But here I am, 17 days until surgery...and am caving. I keep thinking "oh my gosh, this is the last time I'll get to eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and however much I want." Yesterday going grocery shopping was tough. My last time doing a full on trip for my family with me eating anything.

I need to get out of this mind set though. I WILL be able to eat again!

Yesterday I got more paperwork in the mail from my surgeon's office. It included a prescription for some bowel prep stuff. Ugh, reading over the directions they included I am NOT looking forward to those few days!

I will start a liquid diet on the Thurs before surgery (17th) and then bowl prep on the 20th.

I'd really like to skip all of this and go straight to a few months out!

I'm just thankful I have such a supportive husband through all of this. I know he'll stick by my side and help me out with anything I may need!

The shrinking machine

Ahh, the good ole days of my freshman year of college at University of Wyoming. One of my best friends, Meghan, and I liked to goof off. We were known for things like dropping animal crackers out the windows of our 10th floor rooms to other students below. I don't remember exactly how it happened, but the community microwave just outside the lobby area became known to us as the "Shrinking Machine." Something about we couldn't go straight anymore to get to our rooms so decided we'd have to crawl in the microwave to be shrunk then we could travel through the wires and get to our rooms. And yes, we were 100% sober!!!

Anyways, I'm about to have a real "shrinking machine" experience. My journey started a while back while we were still living in Cape Cod. I've been overweight for as long as I can remember. Every since having my first son the weight has just increased steadily. For a long time I did not want to admit it to myself. When around friends I didn't see myself as fat, in my mind I knew I was bigger but just slightly. I avoided pictures for fear of seeing my own size, it made me sick to see. It was inevitable to deny reality when it stared back at me in the form of photos.

I had a few friends who went through weight loss surgery with success and spoke highly of their experiences. So I began to look into it. The more I looked into it, the more I realized it was what I wanted, and needed, to have done.

Then it came time to approach my husband, Dan. I wasn't sure how he was going to react. I'd drop a hint here and there or mention something trying to get his opinion before I came straight out saying I wanted to look further into it. I was torn with his response, it wasn't positive. I then broke down and told him it was something I had been wanting. Then we sat down together and talked it over, researched it online, and he came to the same conclusion that I did--it was the right choice for me. We've revisited the topic many many times. He has assured me that he truly agrees with and supports my decision, he's not just going along with it because it is something I want.

I decided to go with the gastric bypass (Roux-en-Y) instead of the band. I know if I can cheat, I will when it comes to eating. I need something that will make me ill if it isn't something I should eat.

After talking things over with Dan, I went to my doctor to ask for a referral to the surgeon. It was July of 2008. I was nervous and scared to bring it up. I was hesitant to do so, but eventually sputtered it out. She was very supportive and in agreement with me that it would be a great thing. I left her office with a sigh of relief. The ball was rolling.

The surgeon I was referred to came highly recommended from several friends who had the procedure done. His office was up in Boston, about 2 hours away. In November they mailed a thick packet of paperwork and I dug right in filling it out as soon as I got it. Then I felt like I was hit in the stomach when I read about their $500 "program fee." Insurance wouldn't cover that and I was not expecting that. We couldn't afford $500, so I decided to put it off a while and start putting cash away a little every paycheck. The holidays and birthdays made it hard, but I knew I had to.

The first week of December we found out my husband was accepted to Officer Candidate School. This was something he had been wanting before we were together and this was his 4th application. We were elated and excited his dreams were finally coming true. I knew I would not continue on my surgical weight loss quest there, I would not do it without him being able to be there with me. He realized this too, and without me saying anything, said he was going to turn down OCS so I could have WLS. I told him there was no way I would allow him to do that, silly man! He's told me several times he felt bad about it, and even worse when accepted to flight school thinking it wouldn't be able to happen for a long time.

OCS began the first week of January. The kids and I moved back to my parents' house. The time passed quickly to me. There were struggles of being apart, but I knew in the end we would be together and he was safe. In March we found out where we would be moving next. It was our top choice, Dan was accepted to flight school in Pensacola, FL! At the time WLS nagged at the back of my mind. I pushed it away thinking it wouldn't be possible until after the completion of flight school. Dan wants to stay on fixed wing aircraft, which meant we'll spend some time in Pensacola and some time in Corpus Christi, TX before heading on to a new station for 4 years. I decided that I would peruse WLS once we were "settled" at his first duty station as a pilot. In May he graduated OCS, June we moved to Pensacola.

Arriving here I should have been happy. My husband was following his dreams. I have 2 sweet little boys who are my everything. But I wasn't happy. My depression was hitting lows. I began thinking of things that would make me happy. It didn't take long for me to realize my weight was holding me down. It is holding me down as I write this. I ache daily. My 3 year old has noticed this and told me he didn't want Mommy to hurt anymore that he wanted the doctors to fix me. It's no way to live when I have so much to live for.

I called and got an appointment with my new primary doctor. I had no idea what to expect of her, it would be my first time meeting her. So I gathered my courage again, and spoke to my Dr about a referral. The nurse asked why I was there, and I told her. It was a relief to hear her say she had it done several years ago! Made me telling the Dr a much easier process. Within 2 days Tricare approved my referral to the surgeon.

I called his office that same day and got an appointment. I signed up for his "Meet the Dr" seminar, made an initial appointment, and began reading up on everything I could regarding my Dr and the surgery. The seminar was actually the day after finding out my referral was approved (July 27th was approval). The 28th I went to the seminar and came home very excited. It confirmed my feelings that this is the right path for me to take. Within a few days I received a large packet of paperwork in the mail to fill out. As with in MA, I sat down and began filling it out right away. This time I was warned of the program fee over the phone, which is $250 here.

On August 3rd I had my first appointment with Dr. Friedman. I got a lot of paperwork with orders for loads of blood work, EKG, and a chest x-ray. The following week I got everything done at the hospital. They took 14 vials of blood! I wasn't expecting that at all, they certainly are thorough in looking for all sorts of things. I asked the phlebotomist if after I was going to get juice and cookies for donating so much.

On August 20th I had my psychiatric evaluation and nutrition appointment. The psych eval was long, it was scheduled for a 3 hr time block! Most of it was just a computer test, I believe it was the MMPI or something like that. (I'm too tired right now to look it up, ha). The nut was mostly things I had learned already. I got a packet of info of what I could eat afterward surgery and the amounts. Hearing an entire meal for a while will be measured in Tablespoons or a few ounces is a bit shocking and really hits you how this is going to change your life. After my nut/psych appointments it was up to insurance again. My paperwork wasn't submitted right away do the insurance person in the office changing offices and not having a computer for a few days. It was sent to Tricare on August 28th. On August 31st I got a call from the Dr. that I was approved!!!

I was (and still am!) ecstatic over the approval news.

Next up: the 14th is another nut meeting, this time in a seminar setting. the 18th is my pre-op with the hospital and the Dr, and on the 22nd at 7:30am I will be having surgery!

T-minus 19 days and counting until my new life begins. I cannot wait and am so excited!