The shrinking machine

Ahh, the good ole days of my freshman year of college at University of Wyoming. One of my best friends, Meghan, and I liked to goof off. We were known for things like dropping animal crackers out the windows of our 10th floor rooms to other students below. I don't remember exactly how it happened, but the community microwave just outside the lobby area became known to us as the "Shrinking Machine." Something about we couldn't go straight anymore to get to our rooms so decided we'd have to crawl in the microwave to be shrunk then we could travel through the wires and get to our rooms. And yes, we were 100% sober!!!

Anyways, I'm about to have a real "shrinking machine" experience. My journey started a while back while we were still living in Cape Cod. I've been overweight for as long as I can remember. Every since having my first son the weight has just increased steadily. For a long time I did not want to admit it to myself. When around friends I didn't see myself as fat, in my mind I knew I was bigger but just slightly. I avoided pictures for fear of seeing my own size, it made me sick to see. It was inevitable to deny reality when it stared back at me in the form of photos.

I had a few friends who went through weight loss surgery with success and spoke highly of their experiences. So I began to look into it. The more I looked into it, the more I realized it was what I wanted, and needed, to have done.

Then it came time to approach my husband, Dan. I wasn't sure how he was going to react. I'd drop a hint here and there or mention something trying to get his opinion before I came straight out saying I wanted to look further into it. I was torn with his response, it wasn't positive. I then broke down and told him it was something I had been wanting. Then we sat down together and talked it over, researched it online, and he came to the same conclusion that I did--it was the right choice for me. We've revisited the topic many many times. He has assured me that he truly agrees with and supports my decision, he's not just going along with it because it is something I want.

I decided to go with the gastric bypass (Roux-en-Y) instead of the band. I know if I can cheat, I will when it comes to eating. I need something that will make me ill if it isn't something I should eat.

After talking things over with Dan, I went to my doctor to ask for a referral to the surgeon. It was July of 2008. I was nervous and scared to bring it up. I was hesitant to do so, but eventually sputtered it out. She was very supportive and in agreement with me that it would be a great thing. I left her office with a sigh of relief. The ball was rolling.

The surgeon I was referred to came highly recommended from several friends who had the procedure done. His office was up in Boston, about 2 hours away. In November they mailed a thick packet of paperwork and I dug right in filling it out as soon as I got it. Then I felt like I was hit in the stomach when I read about their $500 "program fee." Insurance wouldn't cover that and I was not expecting that. We couldn't afford $500, so I decided to put it off a while and start putting cash away a little every paycheck. The holidays and birthdays made it hard, but I knew I had to.

The first week of December we found out my husband was accepted to Officer Candidate School. This was something he had been wanting before we were together and this was his 4th application. We were elated and excited his dreams were finally coming true. I knew I would not continue on my surgical weight loss quest there, I would not do it without him being able to be there with me. He realized this too, and without me saying anything, said he was going to turn down OCS so I could have WLS. I told him there was no way I would allow him to do that, silly man! He's told me several times he felt bad about it, and even worse when accepted to flight school thinking it wouldn't be able to happen for a long time.

OCS began the first week of January. The kids and I moved back to my parents' house. The time passed quickly to me. There were struggles of being apart, but I knew in the end we would be together and he was safe. In March we found out where we would be moving next. It was our top choice, Dan was accepted to flight school in Pensacola, FL! At the time WLS nagged at the back of my mind. I pushed it away thinking it wouldn't be possible until after the completion of flight school. Dan wants to stay on fixed wing aircraft, which meant we'll spend some time in Pensacola and some time in Corpus Christi, TX before heading on to a new station for 4 years. I decided that I would peruse WLS once we were "settled" at his first duty station as a pilot. In May he graduated OCS, June we moved to Pensacola.

Arriving here I should have been happy. My husband was following his dreams. I have 2 sweet little boys who are my everything. But I wasn't happy. My depression was hitting lows. I began thinking of things that would make me happy. It didn't take long for me to realize my weight was holding me down. It is holding me down as I write this. I ache daily. My 3 year old has noticed this and told me he didn't want Mommy to hurt anymore that he wanted the doctors to fix me. It's no way to live when I have so much to live for.

I called and got an appointment with my new primary doctor. I had no idea what to expect of her, it would be my first time meeting her. So I gathered my courage again, and spoke to my Dr about a referral. The nurse asked why I was there, and I told her. It was a relief to hear her say she had it done several years ago! Made me telling the Dr a much easier process. Within 2 days Tricare approved my referral to the surgeon.

I called his office that same day and got an appointment. I signed up for his "Meet the Dr" seminar, made an initial appointment, and began reading up on everything I could regarding my Dr and the surgery. The seminar was actually the day after finding out my referral was approved (July 27th was approval). The 28th I went to the seminar and came home very excited. It confirmed my feelings that this is the right path for me to take. Within a few days I received a large packet of paperwork in the mail to fill out. As with in MA, I sat down and began filling it out right away. This time I was warned of the program fee over the phone, which is $250 here.

On August 3rd I had my first appointment with Dr. Friedman. I got a lot of paperwork with orders for loads of blood work, EKG, and a chest x-ray. The following week I got everything done at the hospital. They took 14 vials of blood! I wasn't expecting that at all, they certainly are thorough in looking for all sorts of things. I asked the phlebotomist if after I was going to get juice and cookies for donating so much.

On August 20th I had my psychiatric evaluation and nutrition appointment. The psych eval was long, it was scheduled for a 3 hr time block! Most of it was just a computer test, I believe it was the MMPI or something like that. (I'm too tired right now to look it up, ha). The nut was mostly things I had learned already. I got a packet of info of what I could eat afterward surgery and the amounts. Hearing an entire meal for a while will be measured in Tablespoons or a few ounces is a bit shocking and really hits you how this is going to change your life. After my nut/psych appointments it was up to insurance again. My paperwork wasn't submitted right away do the insurance person in the office changing offices and not having a computer for a few days. It was sent to Tricare on August 28th. On August 31st I got a call from the Dr. that I was approved!!!

I was (and still am!) ecstatic over the approval news.

Next up: the 14th is another nut meeting, this time in a seminar setting. the 18th is my pre-op with the hospital and the Dr, and on the 22nd at 7:30am I will be having surgery!

T-minus 19 days and counting until my new life begins. I cannot wait and am so excited!